The Patreon Files

By Steffan Chirazi

BEFORE ALL this post-midnight chatter about ‘penis-shaped discs’ and losing the Grammy came about, it’s worth noting that I was introduced to the pilot of the much-mentioned small plane, Brian.

“We got him really drunk one night (when he wasn’t flying of bloody course — SC) and he had a f**kin’ roaring time,” enthuses Lars Ulrich. “He was throwing food at the dressing room wall, throwing beer around — I don’t think he’d ever done that before.”

I would have to say that Brian is a very safe pilot with a highly admirable tolerance for Ulrich’s loud and enthusiastic tonsils, choosing to tactfully blow off the man with some choice moves. Who else but Ulrich would offer the pilot a disgustingly sour and foul Danish liquorice sweet just before taking off! Instead of arguing, our man Brian gladly accepted, thanked Ulrich and deposited said foul sweet in his pocket to be used only for people worthy of a nasty practical joke.

Indeed, no-one ever really points this out but the interaction between Metallica and their tour staff is probably one enormous reason as to why things run so smoothly and why the band can afford to stay out for longer than the average tour.

Tour manager Bobby Schneider, sound man ‘Big Bag’ Mick, guitar tech Andy Battye and drum-doc Flemming Larsen have been with Metallica for a good five years now and all are ready and able for the little whines and moans as well as the legitimate complaints.

Furthermore, the added tour staff have nearly all worked with Metallica in the past including assistant tour manager and unfathomably patient Tony Smith, guitar tech Danny and the highly experienced element of cool and sassy accountant Tony Di Cioccio.

That doesn’t even mention the other 30-odd staff. But if it seems a bit strange reading about these people, stop and consider this. When you deal with Metallica on tour you don’t just deal with the band in a small room.

You deal with all these people, and it is because of this intimate relationship that Metallica can tour for 17 months. Believe it, after 10 months if you don’t get on things fall apart.

Indeed, people like Tony can often be a gift from heaven even at 3 am when, with bars shut and room service dormant unless hassled, there is need for one more drink. Tony always has one stashed somewhere so as the interview may continue… it’s all professional of course.

Sooo, with drinks re-topped and yet another pot of tea awaiting decimation, Ulrich’s armpits stop sweating, his mind abruptly stops dreaming ‘two million now, four next Wint…’ and the Grammys comes back up. Jeesus, the shock, the horror! The membership puts them up and then kicks them full on in the face …

“I THINK you’re slightly over-emphasising the whole thing. Let’s understand one point, the whole Grammy thing is the NARASS organisation. This is made up of 4,000 members who have to pick for every category. Now, they have been heavily criticised in the past for not being in touch with what’s going on, so this year they go out and form the hard rock/HM category, obviously to be in touch with the success of GN’R, Whitesnake, Leppard and so on.

“So I think you’re being a bit one-sided when you suggest that we got this huge kick in the ass from everyone. We got invited to appear on the show, were one of the nominees and I really don’t think people knew what the result would be.

“Now, some three weeks before the awards all those who are ‘in touch’, the critics, the day-to-day involved people, assumed that Metallica would walk away with the award. It’s easy for the ‘in touch’ people to think that, but remember that most of the academy who vote for the f**king nominees are in the age group of 40 to 60, and are very much less in tune with what goes on in the music scene.”

Which means that the vote was given on the strength of name-recognition and that in 1995 Metallica might win it! But why make the hoo-ha about a ‘New Metal Category’ and then show your old arse so bloody much? Shed some light on that please, Ulrich.

“We were told by the people who run this thing that it always takes a couple of years for the academy to focus in on what a new category is all about — they’ve had this all before with strange nominees and winners in those specific fields. I think the real victory was playing live and being part of the televised telecast. The visual and audio aspects of that will stick far longer than all the who won or lost business. People will remember the song, and in the end who walks off with a gold-plated gramophone really isn’t important.

“Jethro Tull is being thought of as such a weird choice that in weeks to come it’ll be seen as the time when they really had a chance to have a finger on their pulse but in the end stuck it up their ass. It is the first time that a lot of people have seen a Heavy Metal type band on a show like this and it showed those who have painted these misconceptions of HM in their minds that they were wrong.

“I think a lot of people probably thought there’d be satanic cross-burning and ritual sacrificing! The ignorant people in middle-class America who have these weird views saw otherwise. We also managed to represent in five minutes what the Metallica thing is all about, to those who don’t know, from the subdued bits to the heavy parts.

“From that point of view it was a great thing for us. Of course I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you we were disappointed, human nature is that you’d rather win than lose, but Jethro Tull walking away with it maybe makes a huge mockery of the intentions of the event.”

THERE IS immediate validation of potentially increased sales here in the US. ‘One’ has shot to 41 in the singles chart and looks like climbing higher… all since the TV spot. But looking at that very situation further, isn’t it scary to see that radio and TV really do count when it comes to selling the big one?

Is it difficult to reconcile with themselves the fact that Metallica have enjoyed massive sales boosts from the very mediums they’ve always steered clear of?

“It’s not difficult at all because we’ve always done our thing. We do things the way we wanna do them, it’s not easy to cling onto immediately so people have to open up to us as opposed to expecting us to change for them.

“People really end up having to change for us, it’s just that the tastes and chances to see Metallica are now greater. But the concept behind it hasn’t really changed; if you like us, cool, if you don’t, fine. Whatever.”

How big a difference to an already huge profile can the release of ‘One’ the single and video make in Europe?

“Well it’s not easy to answer that question as I haven’t really looked at it like that. We like to release shit on a global basis instead of just, ‘Oh, this is for America only’ or whatever. In Europe the concept of releasing several versions and having all these B-sides is common whereas in America it doesn’t count. So in that sense it’ll be different in Europe.”

Detail the various pieces of Metallijunk kids can expect, please Lars.

“We’ve always tried to be very careful on the formating and stuff, not wanting to cash in on the penis-shaped disc and f**king seven different shades of red and all that. But we recorded a show in Dallas recently, which was actually our first real attempt to record a whole show, and we thought a lot of the stuff came out real well.

“Instead of doing the 47th Diamond Head/Budgie cover, we thought we’d throw a couple of live tracks in people’s faces. James and I went in to mix the stuff — as the cliché says, no overdubs; we just wanted to get the levels all happening — it’s actually the best live stuff we’ve ever heard.

INSTEAD OF putting out different formats with ail the same stuff on, we’re actually gonna put different B-sides on the three-odd formats that’ll be available so as more material gets out there. You’ll have your basic seven-inch with one live song, your 12-inch with two different live songs on — we haven’t decided what goes where yet, but we’re choosing from ‘Seek And Destroy’, ‘To Whom The Bell Tolls’ and ‘Creeping Death’.

What We’ve also done, which I believe is actually a first, is we’ve got the demo version of ‘One’ which we recorded in my garage back in the Fall of ’87 just after we’d written the song, just because we think it’s funny to hear what the song is and what it’s become on record. That’ll be on one of the formats too. I think kids will find it humorous to hear not all the lyrics and solos together, it’s pretty initial but the vibe is still very strong.

“I think there’ll also be a couple of brand new live posters of the stage show, not any recycled stuff from the tour book or stuff that’s been out before — it’s all pretty recent shit from America.

“We’re trying not to overdo it, but we don’t want to make it a silly cash-in job or what have you.”

God, isn’t it disgusting to think that these goody-goodies are gonna give you, for your three-odd quid a poster, a single and a couple of new live releases as well as a colour sleeve?

And, as well as the single you will also have the chance to see the video. Yes, the video for ‘One’, with the footage from the Johnny Got His Gun film and the choice pieces of dialogue to illustrate the true and lasting implications of war. As well as the power of the song. The combination of all these elements has indeed provided us with a starkly unique, blunt, often brutal and certainly thoughtful piece of film.

Whenever I see it on MTV, it is invariably followed by some piece of stupid, lame, clichéd garbage with some ugly sort flashing wares all over the lens, which just goes to show how grateful we should all be for a video that doesn’t insult our intelligence.

TO TALK about the whole damn thing in detail, I give you Lars Ulrich once more.

“I think that over the course of considering a video, we became aware that there was an underground version of the movie in existence directed by old Dalton (Trumbo, author of book) that really wasn’t a huge hit. Came out in ’71 actually.

“The challenges of trying to come up with a unique video concept, and avoiding the promotional video were strong. When you do avoid something for that long it can become fun to challenge yourself into creating something on your own terms and all that. So back in September when we watched the film on tour in Germany or somewhere like that, the two slowly started to come together.

“I think we must give credit to Peter (Mensch), and Cliff (Bumstein — the band’s managers) for bringing the film to our attention and suggesting that it could work somehow in a general view. But the focus became attempting to have a video with a strong storyline to it as opposed to just us running around with lights and ramps and shit. It just seemed that when it was time to do something we had to try and come up with something so radically different.

“There were a lot of ideas that came about, for example never showing our faces in it, just our bodies. But anyway, we decided to actually perform the song in as subtle and minimal a fashion as possible. When we were in LA last December playing Long Beach Arena we went down to an old warehouse and shot the thing. We used a video photographer who has worked on such heavy stuff as U2, Sting, Peter Gabriel…”

What’s his name?

“Hahaha, uhhh, Bill. Bill something. Anyway, it came out very moody and we managed to avoid the bright lights shit. So then we decided to inter-cut the movie to this subtle live footage and not lose the storyline. The idea behind it was that being our first entry into the video world, if it was not what we wanted to see we’d throw it in the garbage can and that’d be it.

“But pretty early on we felt we had something special on our hands; whether that meant specifically great or shit, it meant something, and that was enough itself. The hard part was finding the line between not blotting out the song and making sure the storyline was there — basically trying to avoid a self-masturbation exercise. I don’t look at it so much as a ‘promo video’, I see it as something that accompanies the song and furthers what it’s all about.”

With things having gone pretty well here, it’s obvious to ask if it’ll happen again sometime soon.

“It’s really too early to say. I think a lot depends on if we get the right song and idea and vibe. The reason we waited so long to do one in the first place was that we didn’t want to be in a position where we’d be forced to make a video, or pander to the set ways of the industry.

“THIS PROJECT was very interesting to try and edit together, what with not wanting too much of any single element to come across, but we were really lucky to work with a guy called Michael Soloman in LA who was one of the most open-minded and able people I’ve worked with.

“He wasn’t egotistical, and a lot of people in the video business seem to be that way, saying that they only do shit in a certain way and…”

Frustrated movies directors.

“Yes, very close to that. Anyway, he would accommodate any idea that was thrown his way and he would work with visual ideas and accent what we felt enhanced certain points of the video.”

Of course, we should mention the fact that there are two versions. There is the long single version, plus a shorter, more time-economical thing that smacks of the harsh knife and certainly not of something the band like.

“I will go against anything the record companies would expect me to say and implore everyone to see the long version,” states Lars. “To be completely blunt about it, I’m not very happy with the short version, it’s not as good as the long version. I don’t feel I should defend it at all and I just don’t think the video comes across very well.

“I do think it’ll surprise a lotta people,” furthers our man, talking now about the video in general. “A lotta kids are gonna hear about the new Metallica video and expect to see us rage. It’s not like that, it’s going to leave an initial reaction of bewilderment, but once people live with it I think they’ll find it’s something that sticks in the mind.

“Obviously they’ll notice that it’s not the most jolly and uplifting video you’ll see, it definitely gets a reaction that is somewhat emotional. Especially the second half — I haven’t seen a video of that nature before.”

YOUR FINAL question is probably ‘will they come back and play ‘ere again?’. I really don’t know the answer but a bit of thinking as to who we’re dealing with here might give you the answer you want.

Two million albums, a chart single, limos, sell-out arenas, planes and a 17-month world-tour on, the band are still the same greasy fux they’ve always been.

Quite simply, you’ll know when that statement becomes a lie; this product will be boring and the gigs crap — a long way away, let me tell you. No, the set remains as exciting as ever, numbers just a dash slower here and there to increase that Metallintensity, and the vibe just as exciting as ever.

I do, however, have a final word of advice should any of you be planning to attend a Metallica concert in the next few weeks. If you plan on trying to hang out with these people in their dressing room via the old ‘dirty-cutlery-in-a-bucket-from-catering’ routine, remember to look Schneider square in the eye. Look confident, not wimpish. And don’t for Christ’s sake say, ‘Al told me to’.

Big, strong, mighty Metallica. Still with the people (the kidz) but no suckers for the dirty dishes routine.

ENDS